So many thoughts this evening, and no idea where to start.

My eldest is still loving school but he is struggling with his sensory needs. He keeps squeezing into tight spaces and every day he has a new injury from being so clumsy.

As I’ve mentioned before, I have been called fussy on many occasions but everybody is now seeing why I simply have to be. I work hard to keep my children safe because they do not possess the ability to do this themselves. We consistently teach them about dangers and how to do things safely, but much of the time, compulsions take over. I cannot become complacent because bad things will happen.

One of the things people have openly scoffed at is my concern over stairs. My children can use stairs confidently, and have done from very young. However, I am still very strict about them. I do not allow the children to go up and down them without supervision and can’t understand why more people don’t give them the respect they deserve. As an adult, I have fallen down them and suffered with concussion, so I do not take them lightly.

Earlier this week, my eldest fell down the stairs. My husband saw the whole thing and was quite upset as my eldest actually did a roly poly before landing at the bottom of the flight. I was hysterical as I came running out to see my son lying on the floor, crying and holding his head. I was so worried about his neck and head. The reality is, this could have resulted in something a lot worse than, thankfully, it did.

This happened on my husband’s watch…and the most annoying thing is he was being very vigilant. We usually walk down the stairs before the children, but my eldest had stepped in front of my husband, through impatience. He was carrying a water bottle or toy and my husband removed this from him explaining, as we always do daily, that they should never carry things up or down the stairs. Despite this, he somehow tripped and fell.

Today, my eldest came home with some horrible injuries, sustained at play time. Nobody saw what happened, and he will not talk about it. I understand accidents happen, but he has so many it’s crazy.

Have things happened on my watch? Of course. Have there been near misses? Of course. But on the most part, I understand and respect his triggers and unpredictability, so I am ‘on’ all the time. What happened today would be a more common experience if I wasn’t so on the ball…but that in itself is tiring.

I am also really ‘fussy’ about doors and car doors…fingers and toes. I can’t discuss it but I had a horrific experience as a child, during a game of hide and seek. I hid behind a door…my brother slammed it open…I can’t say any more.

As a result, I am quite strict and obsessive about not playing with doors, standing behind them or putting fingers near the edges. What makes me feel sick is that all it takes is for somebody to lapse for a moment, and for somebody else to accidentally, not thinking, slam a door…for permanent damage to be done.

I can’t bear it!

My niece is very accident prone and requires constant attention. People scoff at this, but she needs to be watched all the time. She clearly has ADHD and I believe she is also on the spectrum, mainly just because she reminds me of myself as a child. My mum always said that she feels I should have been diagnosed with ADHD as a child, but it wasn’t all that common then. Although, I recently learned that a school friend of mine was diagnosed as a child. How I did not know that is beyond me. However, I did always know there was something different about her. I guess that’s partly what drew us together.

It sometimes feels like people believe that outing your child as SEN is an ‘excuse’ for poor parenting. When in fact, it is an attempt to promote understanding.

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