I’ve just come downstairs after bed routine and wanted to share this…
After I had read the book we chose, my eldest looked at me and said sorry. I asked why and he mumbled something. I asked him to repeat it and his voice went quiet and shaky. He got emotional and I couldn’t hear all of the words, but I did hear him say I’m sorry for hitting you, and I love you.
I showered him with hugs and kisses and explained that I was sad he had hit me, but that I understood he finds it hard when he gets upset. I told him that I am so proud of him, that he is the sweetest, loveliest little boy and that we love him so much. Daddy said the same.
It reminded me of something I forgot to mention about the journey home. Once his meltdown had passed, he kept randomly hugging me and kissing my hand. He does this a lot. Like he is so overwhelmed with love, and just feels compelled to show it. It’s almost like he feels grateful you are still there. I will always be there! Always!
I know some people believe the children are being naughty and need to be punished through smacking, fear etc, but if you can ride out the meltdowns/difficult episodes with understanding and patience, it is so much better for all parties in the long run. That doesn’t take away how hard this is in the moment, and how much easier it is to say this than to do it.
If we were to be impatient, physical etc…I believe he would spend more time dwelling on this treatment rather than being able to see that we are there for him through thick and thin. And, despite the frustrations we face as adults in these scenarios, I believe it is so much harder for the child. They are helpless and powerless. Vulnerable. We need to model the behaviour we expect.
I am proud that my son feels secure and safe with me. I believe that giving him the space and time he needs is enabling him to explore his emotions and reflect on his actions. Obviously, from the beginning we have had to teach him the language etc, like with any child, but it is in there and he is drawing on everything he has learned.
I have to keep remembering that although life is tricky right now…it won’t always be this way. We are building the foundations for what is hopefully going to form a confident, successful young man, with whom we will share a special bond.