Struggling

So, I’m not going to lie…I am struggling this evening!

Horrendous weekend, behaviour wise. I can’t tell you why… all I can tell you is that after a pretty good spell with my eldest, he is clearly not coping.

It could be down to a number of things.

We have had, from one or both children: refusing to sit at the table, refusing food, blowing raspberries, spinning, dumping toys, crashing toys, being rough, trying to jump on beds/couch, dangerous behaviour, shouting when not getting their own way, screaming, meltdowns, hitting, self-harm, headbutting, avoidance, baby talk, rolling on the floor, impatience, trying to play on stairs, taking things from the fridge/freezer without asking, trying to wander off elsewhere in the house to do gosh knows what…the list goes on!

I have tried to deal with the behaviours as I always do but for the last three days, nothing seems to be working.

My eldest seems extremely anxious.

I have been doing lots of reading, as always, and have reached out to parents of SPD children. I was referred to a link which was initially suggested to help me with my youngest…but it is in fact my eldest. I am going to share this link in another post. It discusses PDA.

My eldest has an issue with getting wet, despite being obsessed with water…and I mean obsessed!

It was raining when I collected him. He had a huge meltdown…refused to walk and didn’t want to go in the pram because water was dripping from the cover. He wanted me to carry him home. I explained that I could not and gave him the option of pram or walking. I had to dry the pram in every area he perceived to be wet, or discoloured. We managed a few steps before he scraped his feet on the ground, making it impossible to push the pram. He tried to climb out of the pram and got stuck, which upset him greatly. When I took him out to walk, he wouldn’t put his feet to the ground because it was wet. He hung from me and almost knocked me over.

Then, some raindrops wet his trousers. Rather than stripping off, like he usually does, he had a huge meltdown…screaming, crying and pleading with me to take the wet away.

We discussed the purpose of shoes. I showed him the raindrops on my leggings and the bottom of my shoes. Nothing worked. He tried to climb me and I nearly dropped him onto the ground.

I pretended to dry the patches…and we discussed how they would dry…and that we could dry everything at home.

I lifted him up, kissed and cuddled him, and after some time and effort, managed to convince him to walk with me, pushing the pram. We had to keep pausing to discuss the rain and he kept crying about being wet.

“Please take me in the car next time, Mummy!”
“I’m afraid I can’t!”

His face showed real pain and tears were streaming down his red, patchy cheeks. I feel so torn between conflicting emotions…feeling frustrated and inconvenienced…also feeling so sorry for this little soul who cannot control his emotions and reactions. Ninety nine percent of the time, his needs outweigh my own and I take a deep breath, push aside my feelings and try everything I can possibly think of to make him feel happier. I wish he didn’t have to go through this all the time…that we didn’t have to experience this all the time.

Once we were home, I started dinner. Once we sat down to eat, another meltdown commenced. This time, the other child jumped on the bandwagon. I got hit in the face! My eldest has a talent for always striking the same place, every time! We removed them both, placing them somewhere safe, and just stared at each other…exhausted and exasperated. My husband asked, “What have we done to deserve this? Daily! We give them so much love. We try so hard to meet all of their needs. Having special children is hard…and I’m worn!”

At least we have each other. Although, it does cause tension at times, it’s nice to have that other human being who gets it…really gets it! Who lives it!

As I write this, the children are playing beautifully. Calm after the storm. Oh…spoke too soon…

Tantrum or Meltdown?

Oh my gosh, yes. Please read.

Meltdowns are not the same as tantrums!

What this doesn’t address is how tantrums can sometimes trigger or turn into a meltdown. You deal with the tantrum but it then escalates
beyond all control, so it’s likely that other factors such as sensory overload have come into play.

Tantrums need to be dealt with as with any child. Parents with autistic children certainly know the difference, but it’s not always easy for other people to identify, which is understandable.

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fautismawarenesscentre.com%2Fwhat-is-the-difference-between-a-tantrum-and-an-autistic-meltdown%2F%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR1DusTF0UtFfFD4g7XDk5x8mM-VDUelVCvHz0jnPB_fqGh57R6QsedmTik&h=AT3ukCX3OuiM0SGqywnqmXhyhfhL9B2QaRENApjdhfGwE7-LzlAoZu6tbV84ivfFnoojtHOmhkS6E58U9GpBDGx0mPUcFVy_YaYutJt-7nKxx_1iKOPWNqKysbEaUC9Nrg2CFE5q9I8JRB3fGyUfgrPA1ulQVXs-50H16qZT-9yhmkpZLfGH_PRs2-diq-LNdGTiNmyoJYev2oUSNYWiQgCtm9lxIveSnnhihU03DnfZLFel1au0sbSEme4lT1Fgmb6eNXpAYD8KRrTPMzr2KHAKjnXA-TP9VuR8xiBckszo2mSmTjx3wnVEAYF8qLjhUH0LMNqmKJLgNP1HEiDKMbYL7R7DIs8ssppg_ZPVFIh1XAd3c-98Bxy3lmV_POzyyPDu8Gho7I_bh4kH0h0OTHvn8Bl9eHw7GybHc56CCxDzRZztjU9079z5-OXbu49zqUbZYpgc61v6rQnDSHuYFmCgvtJYfwZ83SXKUZF3DwFmcFsnubRDrzy9sNgfRIMeqbgLwZP5qCB3yQrArUD3G14v3N2m_NFxu_tu12X3FRf_UTw92GJBE6XhuKnX8J_E0NPdZJEsQrSy_Ar7WrK-B7ep4rKRWz3X3Sjf0AHcv_zvXiqA3p3z_0iS02Di

Triggers

…and things not going as expected, transitions, fixating on things and having to let them go/not being able to access them… etc etc