A Beautiful Poem I Have Permission to Share

Thank you so much Candice for letting me share this. It’s just perfect. 👌❤️

I am a great mother

Whether or not you choose to agree

I am a great mother

Even as an Autistic level three

Before diagnosis

I felt unable to keep up

But once my eldest was diagnosed

My whole world suddenly opened up

Suddenly everything made sense

My life struggles became clear

No longer was I just a bit odd, strange or different

I even shed a tear

I was diagnosed Autistic at thirty years old

My story is more common

Then you might ever think or be told

Still I am still able to parent daily just like you

I luckily have an insight many others wish they had too

An understanding into perception, that if you only knew

You would give me more time of day than you currently do

My little family of me and my two boys

We do things a little differently

We don’t play with normal toys

Our routine is to the minute and we like to plan ahead

Knowing what will happen next

Ensures our day goes smoothly and we calmly get to bed

Dinner, followed by a bath

We jump into our jammies

Then it’s time to read a book and laugh

A kiss goodnight

Calmly hop into our beds

Don’t forget the night light

Then its time to rest their sweet heads

Overnight they will sleep from dusk until dawn

Not a peep will be heard

Until the sun rises in the morn

Then our day starts with a hug and a smile

Off to have breakfast

The same jam each day, juice once in a while

We have our morning routine

Things are predictable and the same

It may seem boring to you

But for us it keeps us sane

I know my children’s needs

I will always do what’s best

So stop thinking I’m less

I’m always up to the test

I am a mother

A good mother at that

I am Autistic, Autistic level three

I’m going to leave it at that

– Candice Zorba

Pablo

We are loving the episode of Pablo on CBeebies today!

It’s so lovely that there are shows like this on television. Today they covered the anxiety about going out and having to stay away from people. They mention how things have changed, and also share the autistic experience through flapping, dancing to the colours from music, the sensory overload from supermarkets, the difficulties in identifying feelings and dealing with change.

I love the pacing characters, the echolalia and repetitions…then the explicit references over how to self regulate and calm down. I also love the questions and discussions between characters, all communicating Pablo’s streams of consciousness.

Quite a genius show I think. Very imaginative in its presentation. For example, exploring things that make Pablo ‘feel sparkly’.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/live/cbeebies

Home-Start South East Dorset

In recent months, I shared a post about a charity who visited us weekly to help out with whatever my family needed. Today, this charity gave me permission to share their name, and as part of volunteer week, I am very honoured to do so. Thank you Home-Start South East Dorset for everything you have done for us, and so many other families.

This will be a long post…but it would mean a lot if people read it.

Last September, when I started this page, I was in a desperate place. My eldest’s assessment for ASD didn’t seem to be going anywhere, and we were told it was unlikely that he would gain a place at our local school, for unrelated reasons. My youngest was flagged up as having ‘behavioural issues’ and just months before, I had been diagnosed with a chronic illness, after being told ‘it was all in my head’ for several years prior. Many people expressed their opinions about my children, and my parenting…and one day…it just all got a bit too much…

I felt that I needed a place to vent my frustrations, to have a voice, to find people who got it, to educate those who didn’t, to promote awareness and subvert the misconceptions…and so, at that moment, SEN Child of Mine was born.

Simultaneously, Home-Start came into my life. Well, our lives. My health visitor contacted them on my behalf, as she was concerned about me coping with two ASD children whilst suffering with chronic illness, and a short while later, they got in touch. I was adamant I didn’t need help, but the team clearly saw something I didn’t.

They encouraged me to accept the support and it was at this point they really came into their own. They get to know you, and their volunteers, so well, that the matches they make are amazing. In my case I have made a very close, life long friend in a volunteer who is autistic, like me, and has autistic children, like me.

We played with the children, we went for walks, we baked biscuits…but most importantly…we talked. I have a wonderful family who continue to be such a great support network, but this new interaction made such a huge difference to my emotional well-being. She not only ‘got me’, she lived it, so offered valuable, first-hand advice. She made me feel so validated and accepted, as an autistic person and mother, and I really looked forward to seeing her every week. I have had many people question my autism, and she helped me ‘let the mask slip’, as it were.

During lockdown, we have kept in touch, as have the team, and we were even gifted some Lush products to get us through.

People turn to Home-Start for different reasons, but I am so grateful to have met them, and of course my friend. We are so similar in our views and behaviours, and we both share the same passions and drives regarding helping other people like ourselves. Needless to say, we have lots of plans to take this further as our children grow.

Due to everything they have done for me, I will be volunteering with them in some capacity, and have found a new professional focus for the next stage of my life. I will share this with you at another time, but they are supporting me in this venture, and I am extremely grateful.

Home-Start help families in a plethora of ways, so please don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. They are warm, friendly, non-judgmental, and are doing such good in the community. And of course, you can always get in touch with me.

Equally, if you want to help their charity, perhaps you could consider making a small donation, or offering your services. I have added a donation button to this post on Facebook, and have started it off with £5. Please do not feel obliged whatsoever…I just wanted to do something personally to promote them and thank them for all the good they do in the community.

If you got this far, thank you so much for reading.

PDA Profile

People with the profile of PDA can often come across as angry when in fact they are vulnerable, and experiencing high anxiety.

Their tone of voice and general demeanour does not communicate this, so they are misunderstood, and treated with annoyance and impatience.

They are perceived as possessing anger problems, being purposely defiant, or being aggressive. From my reading and interactions with people who fit the PDA profile, it is my opinion that these behaviours are not innate: so nurture rather than nature.

ASD strategies do not tend to work for people who fall under the profile of PDA.

It is crucial, therefore, that this is identified correctly, so adequate interventions and approaches can be adopted, with a view to reducing anxiety and helping the individual to feel safe, secure and understood.

People with PDA can experience mental health issues as a result of their treatment, and grow up with low self-esteem and a feeling of unworthiness.

It takes a lot of patience and support to help these individuals, particularly once the damage is done.